


You are whatever a moon has always meant

by BlackRoseMyou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Female Tony Stark, Genderbending, Genderfuck, High School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 04:53:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19349884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRoseMyou/pseuds/BlackRoseMyou
Summary: Toni Stark is damaged goods and she knows she doesn't deserve Stef Rogers, the kindest person on Earth who's also so moral it's physically painful. She knows her damaged soul will corrupt her, change her, ruin her - and, you know, she's straight.





	You are whatever a moon has always meant

Toni knew three things in her life. One: she couldn't wait to get out of this town and go to college. Two: she was inexplicably, incredibly, hella gay. And three: she'd fallen hard as hell for Stef Rogers and she didn't know how. Straight girls, of course, were supposed to be off limits. 

It wasn't even like Stef was Toni's usual type. She liked rebels like herself. While Toni wasn't exactly picky - she had earned a reputation through high school as a complete slut and wore that badge with pride - she tended to avoid the innocent, pretty girls with long blonde hair. She tended to avoid the quiet, bookish, kind girls. She tended to avoid the straight girls who would only break her heart. 

Toni preferred sex. She preferred a hard, fast relationship that left feelings out of the equation. She loved those relationships that left her feeling used and broken but left her emotions intact. Toni didn't believe in love - only pleasure and a strange form of self-flagellation. She was broken inside and she knew it. She was damaged goods and she treated herself as such. She knew she didn't deserve love; that she wasn't good enough.

She didn't want Stef Rogers because she didn't want to sully her. She felt her very presence would ruin her - her damaged soul would chew Stef up and spit her back out.

She tried to distract herself with other girls. And yet, she still found herself staring at Stef's frail frame. Her smile and laugh made her feel warm and somehow safe. She found herself yearning to protect her from the bullies, to pull her into a hug when she saw her picking herself up off the ground after fights. 

Toni never thought she'd even be on Stef's radar. Stef had this good girl, studious vibe right up until someone pissed her off. Then she was fire and righteous anger. She had this sense of justice and morality bordering on vigilantism that made Toni go weak at the knees. Toni, though, with a shaved and dyed faux-hawk, piercings, tattoos, and studded collars, felt she was just background noise in Stef's life. 

That is, until Stef bumped into her in the janitor's closet.

When the door opened, Toni instinctually shoved herself further back against the wall and tried to hide. This was HER closet. It was way in the back of campus, hidden in a small alcove. Over the last three years, she had yet to be bothered once. And yet…

And YET. The sunlight shone into the dark closet, blinding her temporarily. Someone backed into the closet hurriedly and slammed the door. Toni heard quiet, hiccuping sobs coming from the intruder that matched the ones she herself had been making before she'd been so rudely interrupted. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness again and she could make out blonde hair, a thin frame with shaking shoulders. She couldn't stop herself from squeaking out a confused "...Stef?"

The reaction was immediate. Stef gasped and backed herself against the wall, eyes darting around the closet to find the interloper in what she thought was her space. 

"Who...what are you doing in my closet?" Stef choked out, heart racing at the thought of being caught showing weakness. 

Toni sniffed in indignation. "YOUR closet? I'll have you know I've been crying here since Freshman year, honey. I claimed this Cry Closet, why are YOU here?"

Stef narrowed her eyes, evaluating the girl in front of her as her eyes adjusted. "Stark? Toni Stark? What are you doing in a closet? Shouldn't you be out smoking or something?" 

Toni wrinkled her nose. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't smoke. Thank you very much. Shouldn't you be out fighting people way too big for you?"

Stef's face flashed through emotions. Anger, sadness, hurt, settling on indignation. "Size doesn't matter when someone is being an asshole."

Toni was shocked. "Pure Stef Rogers, cursing? Golly gee gosh, I never! Since when does the paragon of purity curse?"

Stef growled, "for God's sake why does everyone think I'm a child," annoyance rolling off of her in waves, "just because I'm small doesn't mean I'm some kind of nun." 

Toni paused for a moment, imagining Stef in a slutty nun outfit and reminding herself to save the image for later. The silence turned awkward fast as the two girls stared at each other through puffy, red eyes. They surveyed the tear streaks down each others' cheeks. Toni's thick liner and mascara had smeared down her face, leaving tracks of black all the way down to her jaw. 

Stef took in a breath and said, trembling, "you look like a panda." 

That broke the tension. Toni gasped and broke into a high-pitched giggle which set Stef off as well. They both doubled over, laughing earnestly. "Fu-fuck you, Rogers," Toni gasped, "you look like a wet fucking cat." 

Stef wheezed out a pained laugh and sat down. "You're an asshole," she gasped, "and now I need my inhaler."

Toni's brow furrowed and she began to approach. Stef waved a hand and brought out her inhaler, taking a moment to recover. 

Toni chuckled. "You are the biggest nerd I have ever seen, Rogers." This time the following silence was comfortable despite the cloying heat in the closet. 

"So," Stef said, startling Toni out of her relaxation, "are we going to talk about why we were both crying, or…?" 

Toni frowned and rubbed at her makeup, giving up when her hand came away stained black. "Do we have to?" 

Stef huffed out a laugh. "Why not? We're here. We're both a mess. Might as well."  
Her easy, lopsided smile made Toni's stomach flutter. She'd do anything for that smile.

Toni swallowed and looked away. "Whatever. You first. Why were you, the avenger of all injustices, crying?"

Stef rolled her eyes and pushed a hand through her tangled hair. Toni noticed for the first time that her lip was split and her knuckles looked bloodied. Even in the dim lighting it looked like there might be a bruise on her cheek.  
"Some assholes were bullying a guy and I jumped in. I got my ass kicked."

"Yeah, but that happens every week. Did you break a hand or something?"

"...No," she sighed, looking timid. "It's because of why they were bullying him. They kept yelling 'faggot'. I don't understand." She had begun to cry again. "Why does that matter? Why did they jump him for that? There's nothing," she choked a bit, "nothing wrong with that."

Toni was taken aback. She admitted to herself that she had been afraid Stef might be a bit homophobic. She did, after all, hold very strong morals. Toni would be the first to admit she didn't know the girl that well. She felt a warmth swell within her at the realization that she wasn't. It felt a lot like hope. Toni hurriedly shoved it back down. 

Toni cleared her throat. "Hey...it's okay," she started. She stopped. What the hell could she even say?

Stef cut her off. "No it's not. It's wrong. It's bullshit. What gives them the right? Why do they think they can hurt people for something they can't change?" She was still huffing out little breaths, clearly upset. 

Toni sighed. "Preaching to the choir here, bud." She finally stood and headed towards Stef, sitting down a couple of feet away and putting an awkward hand on her shoulder. "This is my life."

Stef didn't move away or shrug off Toni's hand. She seemed to relax and lean into her. "It's 2019," she said, fire in her eyes, "how is this still happening?" She paused. Then, softer, "does this happen to you?" 

Toni chuckled. "That's a real stupid question for a smart kid, Rogers." Stef's face took on a horrified expression. Toni softened her tone. "Yeah, it's not fun. It...it can be rough." 

Stef turned to her, eyes wide and jaw tight. "Have they hit you? Are they here? Who was it? What are their names?" There was a look to her at that moment - a deep, intense determination that shook Toni to her core. 

Toni laughed again. "Calm down, killer. That's a long list of people bigger than you are. Your lip is already bleeding." Before she could think about it, she reached out and rubbed her thumb across the cut on Stef's lip. 

Stef shuddered and her eyes closed for a second. Toni jerked back, looking terrified and moving to stand. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm so fucking sorry, holy shit, I'm sorry, I'll go now, oh my god -"

Stef cut her off. "No, no, it's okay. It's fine. Stop. It's okay. Sit down, please."

Toni sat. You don't disobey Stef Rogers when she gives a command. "But...you're not gay. You're not gay. I shouldn't touch you. That's not okay. You don't even like me."

There was another brief silence as Stef looked at her, seemingly coming to some sort of decision.

Stef reached out and grabbed her hand. She brought it back to her face and kissed it. "You don't know that." Her lopsided smile was back, her voice shy and timid. After a moment she released Toni's hand and dropped hers to her lap, looking completely mortified. She shrank into herself. "...I'm sorry, shit, I'm so sorry. Of course you don't like me," she stuttered, "I'm nowhere near your type."

Toni, for her part, was in complete shock. Stef was straight. Stef Rogers, the most moral person in the entire world, was straight. She didn't like girls. She definitely didn't like Toni-type girls. This didn't compute. Tony was reeling. 

Stef moved to stand. Her heart was racing. She was absolutely terrified. The last thing she needed was knowing that her crush hated her. Her thoughts were loud and clashing, drowning out the buzz of the world around her. She stumbled a bit and leaned against the wall. 

Toni decided to take a chance. She grabbed Stef's wrist gently and - quietly, trembling - she whispered, "stay." Her eyes were downcast, lip ring worrying between her teeth. She was expecting Stef to rip her wrist away and leave. Maybe she was pranking her, or picking on her. It seemed so out of character but that was the only way it made any sense. She was terrified. She felt the tension in Stef's arm and waited. 

Stef slid down the door and back into her spot, not removing Toni's hand. She was silent, flushed red as she nervously moved her hand in a rhythmic pattern to calm herself. 

Toni spoke up. "So how does America's sweetheart fall for the most fucked up dyke in this place?" 

Stef's head whipped around. "What? You're not a...a….that." Her face showed shock mixed with...sadness? And that fiery anger was back, simmering behind it all. 

Toni frowned. "Yeah, I am. I like chicks. If they can call me that, so can I. Fuck them. I'll take that word back. Yeah, I'm a dyke." 

Stef still looked uncomfortable but shook her head, grinning. "You're something else, Toni. You know that?" She looked at her. Toni couldn't help but notice just how blue those eyes were. "And you're not fucked up. You're...you're perfect."

Toni snorted. "Now I KNOW you're fucking with me." She had put her wall back up, emotions shuttering behind a false smile. She tried pulling her arm back. 

Stef grabbed her hand. "Not messing with you. Toni...I….I like you. I never talk to you because I never thought...why would you even look at someone like me?" She let out a self-deprecating laugh and looked away. "I figured _you_ were messing with _me_."

Their eyes connected for a moment. Both of their minds were now fractured, schemas completely broken, but slowly coming back together. Toni interlaced their fingers and looked back up at Stef. 

"So...so you're not kidding?" Toni whispered, breathless. Stef shook her head, blushing and grinning. 

Toni leaned forward, hand cupping Stef's cheek. She searched her eyes for permission. Finding it, she leaned in for a quick, chaste kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I've written in years. It's gonna be rough and clunky but I am determined. I need fanart of this Toni and Stef!


End file.
